No secret: I’ve been going bald since high school.

That said, I’ve always had a vision that my ideal haircut would incorporate this particular handicap into my favor. The vision is straight out of Mad Max, and if memory serves, I believe Tina Turner had this kind of doo in Thunderdome.

Below you’ll find the more refined manifestation of my vision. I lived with it for a matter of hours (with newly cropped facial hair design) but alas, I gave it up with the foresight to know that a place like Athens, Alabama isn’t ready for such a revolutionary utterance in hair sculpture.