Category Archives: Family

Spittin' Fierceness

Written by Michael Clinard. 1 Comment.

There’s speculation that Tom Petty was lip-syncing during the Super Bowl. That, I can forgive, seeing as how Tom Petty went to bat for scores of artists in the 80′s against Big Music’s contractual agreements dictating that they (big record companies) own the music. And, in effect, it was kosher to slide the musical performers some scratch here and there while Big Music took in the lion’s share of album sales.

Things have changed for the most part, and there are a number of different models out there now. You might say, ‘so, Mike, you like Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers?’ And I’d be like, ‘heck, yeah. I love ‘em.’ I like them so much I dedicated an entire morning a couple weeks back to Peter Bogdanovich’s 4hr. documentary on the group.

The idea of a four hour documentary might incite some sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. At its mention, you might begin to recall some childhood trip when the family drove from Point A (home) to Point B (aunt’s house). You weren’t a big boy or girl and didn’t have front seat privileges or the opportunity to soak in all of the air-conditioning during the middle of summer with a humidity level hovering around 98%: an ‘are-we-there-yet’ kind of feeling cycling through your head.

As long as my pops was bumping the Heartbreakers, that’s a trip I could’ve endured (and in fact have from Nolensville, TN to Athens, GA).

While watching the film, I had a very personal reaction because out of the blue, I began singing aloud nearly every song they featured in the documentary. I knew them all by heart, but never really thought about it until then. My dad had in fact played a many great number of the records all of the time throughout my childhood: in the car, in the house, in the boat if fishing. . .

In reference to my title, thought I’d post these pics of me as I spit some rhymes during my parent’s anniversary party. I’m kidding, I wasn’t freestylin’, just doing a rendition of Johnny Cash’s ‘Boy Named Sue’ on some kind of karaoke thing you hook up to a television. Someone snapped a couple shots during the performance which subsequently brought the house down.

Now with More Kitchen Sink

Written by Michael Clinard. 2 Comments.

Today is crappy movie day on Showtime. Out of Omaha a.k.a. California Dreaming just concluded and is some version of the original National Lampoon’s crossed with RV. Arizona Summer–a cross between Hey Dude from Nickelodeon and the acting in some instructional video you watched in middle school–has just started. Its one not to be missed so set your DVR. . . oh, and since writing this add Crash Landing to the list.

In even sadder news, the other day, I was passenger in a car enroute to a shoot. A bold squirrel decided that the day in question was the day he’d stand up to the noisy monsters that scream past his little bit of heaven on NE 125th in North Seattle. Running from the warmth of a little knob in his tree, he jumped in front of us and appeared to put up his little squirrel paws as if to box. As the Scion square car thing came at him, I said, ‘oh, watch out for that squirrel.’

The driver made an attempt to avoid the little guy, but as we moved to one side, Mr. Squirrel went the opposite way, then darted back the same way we’d gone and I was sure he’d been squashed. I looked back over the area we’d just passed, and through the rear view window I caught a glimpse of the little guy running away, and my heart smiled. But in a split second, a car came and instantly turned him into a tumbling pioneer hat, one like Davy Crockett or Daniel Boone would’ve worn.

Imagine a pioneer driving a convertible, and due to a gust of wind he just lost his cap as he sped down the street. Then he damned the modern day hustle and bustle as a Mitsubishi truck took it under wheel. It literally looked just like that. . . a rolling coonskin cap.

It was sad. In lighter news, here’s a scan to illustrate some recent events:

First, the yellow legal pad with the scrawl on it is one of my best inductive arguments in years. It was written as evidence for a mitigation hearing I had disputing a speed trap I’d been caught in back in November. The photo illustrates the steep grade of the hill I was traveling down. Next, got a replacement Jogr for the broken one I had, only this one is 8gb whereas the one before was only 2gb. Got the 8 gigger as it was the price I paid for the 2 gigger less than a year ago. That little rectangular gray box is my Trafficgauge. Got it free by following this link for a study UW is putting on about traffic congestion in Seattle. Last, the little blue envelope with the kitty cats on it is from my Grandmother on the occasion of my 29th birthday in early January.

Which leads me to why I started this post: My parents’ 30th anniversary that we celebrated while I was home in December. The animation below is a photo of them on that day. As a gift, I took the only photo they had from that special day and did some retouch work on it (bear in mind, the gif kind of eats up a lot of the work):

So, since this past Thanksgiving my brother, Benjamin, and I had been cooking up this surprise 30th Anniversary party for my parents. As their courting story goes, my dad was lodging at a hotel in Ohio, and due to a faulty shower head, he ran down the stairs cursing, the night porter, a young Ecuadorian lady on duty, later became my mother.

According to them, my mother was dating some guy that lived with his mom replete with outhouse on property. Seeing the other options available to her in the male persuasion, she opted to go set up camp with my dad and the rest is history. They were married in Tullahoma, Tennessee in 1977, and roughly a year later, yours truly was born.

My brother and I had worked tirelessly to convince them both to come out and pick me up at the airport. During their 6-7:30 absence from the house on Wednesday, Ben had previously instructed our 20 or so guests to arrive during that time frame and he’d park their cars ’round the corner at the neighbor’s so that when we rolled up, they’d assume nothing. To make the illusion even more complete, I drove like a mad man on the way back, replete with random braking and a smattering of road rage which is a usual stress for my Mom and it left my Dad to state “I’m tired from last night. . . I’m just going to take a little nap.”

Completely disarmed.

When we came into town, I noticed that Mom had failed to put gas in her car, so we had to stop and get petrol at the local Jiffy Mart, and in so doing, I was able to call my brother and deliver this coded message:

“Hey, we’re at Jiffy getting gas. When we come in through the garage door, I want a big plate of cajun turkey waiting for me. . .” That means roughly: ‘we’re three minutes away, when I open the garage door remotely, make sure no one is standing in plain view so that when we round the corner of the kitchen, Mom and Dad have no idea we’re about to surprise the hell out of them.’

We walk in ’round the corner of the kitchen and the table is full of food and Dad is like ‘what is all this about? . . .’ We walk a little further and I’m waiting for the surprise and my Mom says ‘what’s happening, Michael? . . .’ Then finally, ‘Surprise!’ they all say, flanking us on the back of the route we’d just taken. I’ve put some photos below, describing a bit of the happenings and those pictured:

First, this was back in Seattle, leaving the day of the party. It was right before Christmas, so this lady on the piano was rocking out. Babies were dancing at her feet, planes flying, etc.

Beefed up on this meal from the Chinese place in Seatac. Biscuits, Gravy and Eggs: a precursor of things to soon come.

The Actual Moment of Suprise

The Actual Moment of Suprise

This is what it looked like. I know, not all that fantastic, but that is what surprise moments can look like.

The Other Side of Suprise

The Other Side of Suprise

Now that’s surprise! Or at least they’re holding it extra long for me to shoot one off of them.

Unbeknown to me, Ricky Clem, my dad’s good friend and his best man at the wedding, showed up with a whole boatload of photos my parents had long thought disappeared. Its great, ‘cuz now I can start working on those for their fiftieth wedding anniversary.

I should mention, my mom is 4’11″ so she’s super cute and buzzes around like a butterfly or bee or hummingbird: very fast like.

Here’s my dad. He’s very prone to get misty about sentimental things, so looking at these photos he starts recalling all the emotions he was having about the big day. Remembers his buddies saying ‘Fuzz (my dad’s nickname), there’s still time, man. . . I got a car running outside.’

My Dad with his Mom, my Grandmother, Nelle Pittman.

My Mom with her friends: (from left) Carolyn, Mom, Kay and Angie.

My Dad with Ricky Clem, his friend and essentially my Uncle and/or Godfather. I have NO IDEA why my dad has this crazy smile on his face. Looking at it now makes me think what a great set of chompers he’s got.

Dad in middle with my brother, Ben and I.

This is the damage I inflict on Cajun-fried Turkey Legs at Midnight, Central Standard Time.

This is the next morning. Dad doesn’t emerge until well after 10am. The dog, Lucy, is essentially ‘my sister’ and goes any and everywhere my Dad goes, unless they enforce strict ‘No Dogs Allowed’ rules. Though, in the South, a dog is a necessary accessory to every pickup truck.

Here’s Mom, the next morning. Notice the styling coffee mug with her name on it. Cordless phone in front her. . . that’s my Mom.

And this is Mom with my broheme, Ben.

And when I got back to Seattle, I gave Jenna this giant Golden Lollipop Tennis Racket. No, its really a splatter guard to protect her ceramic cooktop from my culinary genius I’m oft inclined to perform in the kitchen.

Okay, so I’m pooped. No mas. . . for now.

Heart,

Michael

With Soonability. . . updates to come

Written by Michael Clinard. No comments.

Its been a month exactly since I last wrote. There’s much to note: 1) this is the best mixtape, ever! 2) my buddy Josh is writing again and this is an excerpt from a short story he wrote about ‘the hands’ 3) I’ll finally get ’round to posting more.

That said, sometime back I’d promised to post an image of a splattered turkey on a plate right? Well, this is it:

Perhaps the amount of tryptophan coarsing through my blood on Thanksgiving sedated my senses enough to see ‘splattered 2d turkey’ in this photo, but don’t you see it? In the top plate, the rolls for the eyes, the breasts of turkey for the beak, then that second plate below of yams, mashed potatoes, peas, and stuffing with giblet gravy as the exploded innards? The thing is you have to be looking for it and its one of those ‘vase or face’ type things or seeing the virgin mary in the sky or on a piece of toast.

Seriously, people-have-seen-stranger-things-in-food pie.

Mike

Just too much to blog about lately. . .

Written by Michael Clinard. No comments.

I’ve been neglecting my duties/post here over the last week or so. Sorry, but there is just too much happ’ning. So I did this:

Above you see 1): one of the polaroid tests from a recent shoot at Seatac with Chris McPherson out of LA (he was behind this Visa ad featuring a giant catfish). 2) Symphytum Offiicinale, or Comfrey, totally cures broken bones. 3) My old Iowa Alumni Association (who’d been hassling me for the last two years about making contributions) finally sent me an “Iowa Alum” car decal, retail value: several thousand dollars. 4) I saw “No Country for Old Men” by the Coen Bros., only this time I wasn’t tripping out on zombie-infected lamb meat eaten at a Greek Restaurant in the UDistrict. 5): My A-data Jogr flash drive finally broke, so NEVER pull it out by the little keychain deal: treat it like an AC plug for the outlet and grip the entire apparatus and never just pull the cord as you know you do when you’re done vacuuming the carpet.

I’ve been super busy with work, but the holiday season is approaching and thats wearing me out. The Christmas season means I’ve got a birthday approaching (my 29th) along with my parents’ 30th wedding anniversary as well. That said, I recently hit the KUOW Holiday Christmas party this past Friday with Jenna, which was the perfect wrap-up for the last four months or so for me.

More always,

Mike

Memory foam?, . . . no, forgetful foam. . .

Written by Michael Clinard. 1 Comment.

was one of the things I’d heard over the Thanksgiving holiday. Along with ‘I don’t like Ohio State, I don’t like their coach and I don’t like their fans. . .’ It should be noted that this was uttered by a die-hard fan of the SEC. I really don’t think it wasn’t meant to represent actual distaste for the state of Ohio or its residents. This guy is just passionate about his college football and remembering how Ohio State won the BCS Championship in 2002.

I’m back from Alabama now, and I’ll have some photos up here ‘directly:’ one which features a deer hunter riding a bike as well as the caricature of a turkey made from Thanksgiving day portions and meal options: very Giuseppe Arcimboldo. For now, you can check out this image created by my friend and colleague Jacob Gerber (with light technical assistance lent by yours truly).

Lastly, watched Old Joy, a film by Kelly Reichardt. Featuring performances by Daniel London and Will Oldham, its about the tension between two friends whose lives have taken different paths. Really subtle and not overacted, its captivating to see the film unfold. Plus, these characters journey into the Cascade Mountains on foot for the weekend, so when it ends, you’re exhausted from their hiking and relaxed by the hot springs the final scenes take place at.

Frisco

Written by Michael Clinard. No comments.

When I was around 4 years of age, my parents went to San Francisco. One of the gifts they returned with was this huge pencil. Printed all around it were the famous landmarks: Golden Gate Bridge, Nob Hill, trolley cars from the Rice-a-Roni commercials, et al. I thought “these things are huge.”

See, when I was at work in my coloring books, I’d always been content to use the standard no. 2, Ticonderoga-sized crayons. They were effective and I was able to stay inside the lines on every attempt. If I’d decided to make someone’s skin green, it wasn’t because my hand made a misstep on account of not being able to corral a writing utensil. It was pure artistic impulse.

My attempts to draw and color with this new-fangled pencil proved tough. I’d basically impaled my coloring books and made sloppy, non-exacting lines on large sheets of newsprint. The baseball team in this “city by the bay” was called the Giants, which naturally led my mind to deduce that giants lived in San Franciso. Who else could use a massive pencil effectively if not a giant?

Needless to say, I’ve been to San Francisco since then, and just last week visited again for work on a production with Stewart Hopkins. I’d seen the Golden Gate, but never had the opportunity to drive across until now:

Of course, I did manage to get other shots here and there, even a few more of the bridge without the fog.

Just a day before the San Francisco trip, I’d been helping the good folks out at Landreth Studios with this object in studio. You’ll just have to use your imagination.

More always,
Mike

10 Year Reunion.

Written by Michael Clinard. 1 Comment.

In 1997, this young lad graduated from AHS, or Athens High School, in the ATH (Athens, AL). I wish I had the ability to show you my senior portrait. It was completed after having been awake for the duration of somewhere close to 48 hours and it embodied the fervor by which I carpe diem’ed. Those were the days.

Anywho, I flew back home in mid-August for my 10 year reunion festivities. Many months in planning, I’d been looking forward to seeing how folks developed. On the plane, I was rocking the broken arm, with help from over-priced pharmaceuticals. Here’s my pops at the airport picking me up, sans the cardboard placard reading: “Clinard: Slippery when Wet.”

So, that Friday I chilled out with mi familia, in preparation for the Saturday morning family thingamajig.

Saturday arrived and I had my broheme, Benjamin, drop me off in his pseudo-Hummer thing with silver flames on its exoskeleton at ‘the spot.’ It was a grand entrance: plastic brace-encased gimp arm gently dangling from super stylish white cotton sling–retail value: $408.95. That super-chic ‘crsh, crsh’ maracas sound you hear with every step is from the two pain RX’s resting in one of the two pant pockets of my army green cargos that have since succumbed to an over-tarred rooftop (completely different story).

It was super-nutty how I could walk up on someone whom I hadn’t seen in ten years and immediately recall their name and some semblance of the particular class period we were in. I didn’t tell, but I had this craving for that rectangular pizza they’d serve in the cafeteria back in the day whenever some new revelation would occur. It was like 110 degrees that day; a far cry from the 60-70 degree temps, I’d just left some 24 hours earlier in Seattle.

Here’s my good friend Sabeen’s husband, Adnan and their child:

Saturday night was the official Reunion festivity at Canebrake Country Club, which ten years earlier had just been ‘the woods,’ or the place the kids would go off to explore how warm Budweiser from their parent’s fridge could drastically improve the quality of life in ‘the South.’

Many more folks occasioned this shindig than the one earlier that day, only this time, they’d strapped on the swankly evening wear duds, fully ready to tackle the night’s conversation and chicken finger buffet. The five hours or so hours flew by all too quickly.

Here are the photos from the night’s festivities.

All in all, it was nice. Many people had changed, and there are some people who’ll never change. They were all there. This week’s ‘This American Life’ touched on it. You can find the link here.

Guess it was kind of like that.